The Sufferings of Love
by BeachAndSea
Summary: Severus remembers certain personal moments with Lily that were not mentioned in DH. One-shot.


_**A/N: If I had billions of dollars, I'd go buy a Ferrari. But I don't, so I'm obviously not JKR. **_

_**Even though the pairing says Severus and Lily, they are not gonna fall in love!! It's just Severus going through a painful period in life. And anything in italics is a flashback.**_

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The man twitched and writhed in pain. He flailed his arms, trying to reach for his wand, but it was kicked away from his hand before he could grab it. He continued to twitch until he could hold it in no longer. Just as he was about to scream, he felt the pain go away.

"It's quite unfortunate, Severus," hissed the man with scarlet eyes, "that you have been useless. You could have been a very loyal follower." Voldemort turned away from Severus and faced his Death Eaters. "Finish him," he commanded.

"Noooo…" croaked Severus. "I…I can spy for you. I can get information from Dumbledore. Please! Spare me!" he gasped. Voldemort nodded for a second, thinking.

"I expect some very important information from you in a month. If I don't get any…" Voldemort wandered off, making his point very clear.

"You shall have it, My Lord," whispered Severus.

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A month later, Severus was the first one to arrive when he felt the Dark Mark burn. He immediately began to tell the Dark Lord of the prophesy he had heard, hoping that this information was important enough to keep him alive.

"Interesting, very interesting, Severus. You might end up being useful after all." Voldemort turned away from his follower and looked up at the sky. "Those who have thrice defied me…hmmm," he pondered. "There are the Longbottoms, the Lovegoods, the Scamanders, and the Potters." Severus gasped sharply behind Voldemort. "But the Longbottom boy will probably be a squib, and the only other family that has a son born near the end of July is …" Voldemort trailed off and turned to look at Severus.

"The Potters." Severus looked up with a horrified expression.

Voldemort cackled. "Come now, Severus, surely you aren't feeling that horrible! After all, Potter is you worst enemy." When Severus's horrified expression didn't go away, Voldemort began to taunt him. "Or is it that mudblood? Do you want her?" he whispered.

"Please, don't hurt her. You can take Potter and the boy, but please, don't hurt her!!" The desperation in Severus's voice increased.

"She needn't die," murmured Voldemort. "If she cooperates, you can have her."

"Thank you, my lord!" whispered Severus gratefully.

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Severus began to run to Hogwarts. He had to tell Dumbledore now. That was the only way to stop this madness. Suddenly he stopped. He had reached the part of the grounds where he had been publicly humiliated by Potter, and that horrible word had slipped out of his mouth. He crumpled to the ground, sobbing. Lily had almost smiled while he was being publicly embarrassed, and, in his humiliation, he had said the one word that made him lose her forever. And now there was no way to fix it. His Lily Evans was gone. Forever.

He sat there sobbing for a while before getting up and telling Dumbledore about the situation. He agreed to spy in order to protect Lily's child. After his meeting with Dumbledore, Severus came back to that spot in the courtyard. He sat down and began to reminisce.

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_ When Severus first saw the girl with the brilliant red hair, he thought she was beautiful. They were both about six or seven years old. He came back to the park every day, waiting for her to arrive. He first saw her perform magic a few months later. She jumped off of the swing and landed much too gracefully. Then she made a flower open and close. Her friend, or perhaps her sister, Tuney, was next to her. Severus decided to go talk to her._

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_ The first time Severus was brave enough to kiss her was, unfortunately, when she was asleep. They were both on the train home from Hogwarts for the summer holidays between second and third year. Lily had just fallen asleep, and Severus couldn't help but stare at her. She had…developed. She was no longer the thin young girl she had been. She had filled out, and her curves were very attractive. But that wasn't the only thing that attracted Severus to her. Her personality had completely changed. Over the course of two years, she had gone from and insecure, uncertain young girl to an outgoing, bubbly young woman. Severus looked at her tenderly and slowly leaned toward her. He brushed back some hair from her forehead, and she snuggled closer to him. He carefully leaned closer and captured her lips with his. She responded in her sleep by snuggling closer to him until her head was on his shoulder. He pulled back, and tenderly admired her for the rest of the ride home._

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_ The last time Severus had spoken to her was outside of the Gryffindor dormitory. Just as she was leaving, he waved his wand and a tiny snake with the letters "S.S." on it tattooed itself onto the back of her shoulder. It would never come off, no matter what she tried to do to get rid of it. Instead, in public, she used a concealing charm to hide it. Little did Severus know, however, that at night, she stared at it and cried for their lost friendship. Soon, she got over Severus and fell in love with James Potter. And that broke Severus's heart._

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Severus promised himself that he would do everything possible to help save her child. And every time that he started to want to smash Harry Potter's head into the wall, he would look into Harry's eyes and remember Lily, his one and only love.

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_**A/N: So that's it. If I get enough reviews and feedback, I might come back and change this so I can continue with Severus's flashbacks and Lily's thoughts on everything, but for now, this is done!**_


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